Hidden in the recesses of my current cell, I have discovered a diary. I trust it is my destiny to record the details of whatever time I have left. (As you will see, it's probably not long!) Let it be a warning to any who come after me.
I'm a little sketchy about the details of my early childhood, actually about any of my life before today. They say that trauma does things to one's memory, and my recent life (as you'll discover) has been nothing if not traumatic! Nevertheless, I'll try to put down the gist of it in his prelude. Today I shall call "Day 1."
I remember my mother and my siblings (we were a big family), and that we lived in a colony with a large number of close friends. I was never lonely. Life in the colony was hard, though. We were out in all kinds of weather, didn't always have enough to eat (it wasn't always very tasty either!). There were fleas and sometimes sickness, and occasionally dangerous animals came around and threatened to attack. Every once in awhile, members of our colony went off to get food and didn't come back, especially when they had to cross the road to get to where the hunting was good.
When I was still a teenager, some people came to the colony and hauled a whole bunch of us off to some kind of local detention center -- including me, my mom, and my siblings. They took us to a warm, bright, noisy building and put us into cells. There were a lot of other prisoners there, and most of them didn't seem happy at all. Then I had something called an exam: pokings, proddings, pinpricks and worse! Something made me go to sleep (I think I was drugged! Is that legal?) When I woke up, I had a very sore tummy, and someone had nicked off the top of my left ear.
Later some more people came and looked at us. I heard them talking. One said I was "feral," but some others said my siblings and I were too pretty to put back into the wild. They said we might be something called "adoptable." The next thing I knew I was in a cell again and being taken to yet another noisy building with many inmates. We were together for awhile, but eventually my siblings got taken away one by one. I got taken away too, to a house with a warm basement. There I had my own condo, my own food, and my own toilet, but I shared the space with several other tenants. I've always been timid, and I was here as well. I was content to just sit in my own condo and watch, but I didn't want to be noticed. If my "big-eyed, poor-me" stare didn't work, I also perfected a "stay-away" stare and would hiss pretty sharply to let them know I was serious. I hid whenever I thought any one was looking for me.
Still, it wasn't a bad life. I made friends with the other residents, had plenty to eat, and they gave me something called "medicine" (admittedly I didn't like taking it) to get rid of my fleas. It was great not to feel that constant itching. I eventually got rather fond of the dear-lady-who-fed-me. In fact, she did more than feed me. She would pick me up and put me on her lap, stroke me, even brush my hair for me. She had a soft voice and said such nice things. I lived with her for quite a long time, and I thought I would be with her forever. That would have been fine with me.
Day 1
My foster mother (that's what that dear-lady-who-fed-me told me to call her) put me in a small cell this morning and then moved that whole cell into a big, noisy machine that moves. It was frightening, and I objected as strongly as I could. I kept repeating, "Take me back. I don't like this at all!" But, she just said, "Shhh! It's alright." Harrumph. It wasn't alright! When the noise and motion were over, I was in another place entirely. She put me into yet another cell in a brightly lit, glassed in room.
Day 2
Today, as I was sitting in my cell trying to be insignificant, two ladies came in and made eye contact. I tried not to look, truly, but I couldn't help it. I was so nervous, and I needed to keep an eye on them. They didn't look like they were up to any good! I heard them talking to my jailer out in front, and asking if they could see me. He brought them into the glassed-in room, then closed and locked the outer door. Then he took a key from his pocket and opened my cell. The cat in the cell below me hooked his claws into a leg to try to divert their attention at the critical moment, but it didn't work. Besides, with the outer door locked there was really nowhere to run. First my jailer scratched my ears a bit (as if I was going to warm up to him!), then he suddenly pulled me out of the cell and put me into the red-headed lady's arms. It was all over before I could resist. I buried my head into her sweater so I wouldn't have to see when they completed their purpose. I am sure now that this has been a prison holding cell, and I suspect I am about to be executed. I thought it was going to be all over right then, but instead they have decided to torture me with prolonged anticipation. That woman just petted me, and then the other one petted me. They both spoke to me about seeing me again, and then they put me back into my cell. After talking with the jailer, they asked for the phone number of my Mom and then they went away. I have surmised that Mom must have turned me in for some crime (the nature of which, I am unaware). These must be my judges, not my executioners. They will talk to Mom to get the facts of the case. I am still sure I am about to be executed, but perhaps I have another day to wait.
Day 3
Mom was here first thing this morning. At first I thought there might have been a trial, and maybe the judges had concluded that I am not-guilty. I might be going home! But Mom had only been with me for a few minutes when one of the judges who came to see me yesterday arrived. She and Mom conferred, and then Mom took me out of the cell and put me into a small, portable cell. She handed it over to the judge. They went over some paperwork, and the judge signed her name. Then she picked me up and we got into yet another one of those noisy, moving machines. I guess my place of execution is somewhere else, and she is taking me there now.
The judge, now my new jailor, carried me into a different building and up the stairs. Then she put me down in the hall. Another cat appeared and I eagerly went to the front of the cell to talk to her. Maybe she could tell me what this new place is? This cat wasn't in a cell, like me, so she must have special standing with the jailors. She sniffed me and I hoped that she would be friendly, but then she hissed at me! She must know that mine is a hopeless case. Then my new jailor put me, cell and all, in a small room. She unzipped the portable cell's door, and then went away.
Later, Day 3
Day 4
It was all quiet for several hours after that incident last night with the lap. In the early hours, I just had to come out and use the toilet. I couldn't hold it anymore. I made it safely, and since there wasn't any immediately evident pursuit, I took out some of my pent up energy by redecorating my abode with sand. It didn't ALL need to be in the toilet! But, as soon as I heard noises out in the hall, I went back to the safety of my porcelain hiding place -- only to get dragged out again and put back on a lap. It was the same lady as last night, and she got out the object with bristles (she called it a brush) and started to stroke me. I thought again about my mom and how she would wash me when I was little, and something strange happened. I started to purr! I can tell you right now, that I was NOT happy. No, not one bit! But... I plead exhaustion and fright. It can make one do strange things.
Later on, the other lady came in and let me sniff her hand. It smelled like meat! She said something about turkey and ham in a sandwich, and let me lick her good tasting fingers all over. I liked that. But then she seemed to think that, just because I liked the good tasting fingers, I would allow her to pick me up! I told her in no uncertain terms that she was taking quite a liberty. These ladies do not seem to be in any hurry to execute me, so I am beginning to feel a little bold. It's probably a bad idea, but then, just sitting here can be a little boring! The first lady just came in a little while ago, and sat down next to my blanket container. (Yes, I moved out from behind the porcelain fixture -- it was cold and hard back there!) She didn't even try to pick me up, she just talked to me and scratched my chin and behind my ears. I was DETERMINED not to respond, but somehow my body betrayed me. Suddenly a little rumble came out of my purring apparatus. I suppressed it, but in a few seconds it happened again. Before I knew it, I was purring away, and I'm afraid she thought I LIKED it. What do I do now? My resistance is weakening.
Day 5
Last night before bed, the red-haired lady came in with a bowl of what she called "Amí's rejects" -- shredded chicken with consommé and ground bone meal. I have never tasted anything so delicious. I swallowed it down in one gulp, and wanted more. But, she said I could only have a little at a time or I might be sick. I can't believe that other cat won't eat this!
Speaking of that other cat, we made eye contact this morning. I really want to meet her! They tell me her name is Amí, and that in Japanese it means beautiful. In French it means friend (I know that much about the world). I hope she will be my friend, my ami. I tried to jump off the lady's lap to go over to meet Amí, but she ran away. I don't know why. Certainly, I'M not the one who is scary!
Over night, I redecorated again; moved my blanket container to the middle of the floor, put more sand out to make the texture of the floor more interesting (I make designs in it), dropped some sand in my water -- the usual. Again, I had it just the way I like it when the red-haired one came in and put it all back the way it was. I guess this is her idea of a game. This morning the other lady held me in her lap for awhile, and then she sat on the floor reading while I rested on my blanket in its container. I put my hand out to touch her, so she would know I was grateful for her presence, and then I fell asleep for awhile. I liked having her there, but think she misinterpreted my touch as an attempt to push her away. She seemed sad. I guess I do act a little standoffish -- I just can't help trying to hide every time the door opens. I still worry that something really bad is about to happen. I know enough to know that life is scary and the good times don't last. But I'm also getting bored in here, and so far they have been very nice to me...
Day 6
Today was NOT a good day. I didn't even redecorate my room, since the red-haired one (I found out her name is Ann) doesn't seem to like me to. But, my consideration didn't seem to make them any nicer to me. Well, yes, the other one (her name is Jan) did come in a few times and sit with me. That was sorta OK. I think they would both like me to call them Mom, but they are not my Moms! I'm still hoping Mom will come back for me. But, later Ann let Amí into my room! She put me back in my little cell, and the let Amí into my room to sniff it all over. I tell you! Is that nice? Then Amí sniffed at me in my little cell, and we both growled and hissed at each other. I think I won. She hightailed it out of there, let me tell you. That whole experience sent me back behind the porcelain for the rest of the day (well, to be honest, only when Ann or Jan were looking). Later, Ann tried to drag me out and sit me on her lap. I purred for a bit, but I was just so stressed from the whole day's anxieties, that I also hissed at her and swatted at her. I'm not exactly sure why. I do like the laps, but sometimes I just need to be by myself to calm down. At least she did give me some more of that good chicken. I guess the day wasn't ALL bad.
Day 7
Today started out better, with laps and soft words from both ladies. But, then, horror of horrors, Ann tried to give me a PILL!!! I don't even have fleas anymore. Just something called a tapeworm. It doesn't bother me. I'd rather have a tapeworm than a pill, I'm sure. We had our first real fight about that. Now I'm hiding. She did give me a little of that chicken after the pill, though. I'm mad, but I'm not crazy. Of course I came out to eat it. But now, I"m back in my hiding place. I hope she doesn't think that her "little peace offering" makes us even. That pill was a SERIOUS insult.
Later, Ann caught me napping in my blanket container and she came in and suddenly zipped up the container and moved me into another room. She closed the door, unzipped the container, and left me to come out when I wanted to. The room is very big and bright, and frightening. I emerged and ran for the door to try to get back to my small room. But since the door was closed, all I managed to do was upset the water bowl and bang my head. I quickly scampered into the darkest corner I could find to think about this new development. Ann cleaned up the water and left me alone. For awhile I sat still and worried, but eventually I decided to explore. There might be even better hiding places.
Day 8
Last night I did a lot of exploring. My toilet and food bowls are significantly further from my hiding places, which is scary, but there are also lots of interesting things in here. I didn't realize that Ann sleeps in this room. I was afraid I would not be able to explore. However, I am nocturnal and she is a day person. When I was sure she was asleep, I came out and looked all around. A few things moved when I tried to discover what they were, and that made some noise. Ann must be a really deep sleeper, because she didn't come after me or scold me, even when a few minor items (that I'm sure she doesn't want anyway) went bump/crash.
During the day, Ann and Jan left me mostly alone. Ann came in a few times to talk to me, and she did bring some of that good food, but she never tried to pick me up. Jan went away somewhere, I think. Even Amí left me alone. I am glad to just sit and think today. So much has happened recently!
Later, Day 8
I suppose it is about time to tell you something about my name. It has not grown any longer for the last few days, so maybe they have settled on Sophia Sage (Nimbus) -- (a.k.a. Cumulus-II, a.k.a Stormy). Here is what they tell me: My foster mother (Mom) called me Sage, and that was my whole known name before Ann and Jan got me. Ann tells me she had been looking for a wise companion, a Sophia. When she saw that there was a Sage in PetSmart, she thought we must be destined for each other. (I didn't even know that Sophia and Sage both mean wise, and come from the same root word -- sophos. How about that?)
Day 9
I did even more exploring last night. Since Ann is such a heavy sleeper, I don't worry about making noise. I even jumped up on her bed once in the middle of the night, to take a look out the other window (it faces a house next door, not so interesting as the back yard). She didn't move. She didn't even wake up when I tipped over the whole basket of laundry -- that was fun!
This morning Ann tried twice to put me on her lap and pet me. I still don't like that. I managed to get away pretty quickly both times, and we just looked at each other across the room. She said "sorry" and talked in low tones, but I smell a trap. She probably has another pill hidden in her pocket! At least she brought me some chicken. She called it a peace offering. Otherwise, I just take turns going from one hiding place to another. Boring! The Amí cat played with a rubber ball in the hall outside my room for a long time, making a lot of noise. I think she wants me to know that SHE is the preferred cat, that SHE has the run of the place and all the toys. It would be nice to have more to do, but I think it's safer to just sit here -- for now.
This afternoon the weather was nice, so Ann opened the windows and I got to sniff the outdoors. She leaves me mostly alone, just talking to me or scratching my ears when she comes in. I don't want more indecent liberties! After she went to bed, I went exploring again. For awhile in the middle of the night Amí and I played footsies under the door, but neither of us is telling.
Day 10
This morning Ann brought in some of the good chicken, but she put it out almost in the middle of the floor. She sat down nearby and wouldn't leave. I thought long and hard, but it smelled so delicious I finally came out and ate a little. I was about halfway through when she reached over and put her hand near my head. I sniffed at it and went back to eating, but when she tried it a second time I thought I would teach her a lesson. I retreated to under the sofa until she went away. I miscalculated. She took the food with her when she went!
Currently, I am reclining in my warm muff because it's chilly in here. The weather turned nasty and it is snowing outside. If it were warmer, I could hide in more secure places. Although I am toasty in here, the problem is that they can (and do!) reach in and scratch my ears every time they pass. I don't want them to think that I like that.
Maybe I do sorta like it...
The last time Ann scratched my ears, she asked me why she hadn't heard me purr lately. She said she really missed my purr. I thought about it, and -- what the heck? I relaxed my heretofore iron-control over my purr apparatus, and I let one rip. The ear scratches actually ARE pretty nice. Pretty soon she says she'll bring me my supper, and maybe Amí and I will play under the door again tonight. (Although she still sometimes hisses at me!)
Day 12
P.S. Today is Ash Wednesday. Perhaps they are giving up torture for Lent. This bodes well for Easter, as isn't that the season when captives are set free?
Day 16
Even without ham hands, I've been coming out for pets lately. They think I'm quite an athlete, because I roll and tumble and bunt so hard I almost knock things (and people) over. But, I still get frightened easily and spend a lot of time under the sofa. They call it "Sophie's sofa" now. The home of the "clipped-ear club."
They left me alone yesterday, though. They didn't even SLEEP here. I was pretty lonely, with only Amí to play with under the door, and the birds to look at out the window. When Ann came in at lunch time to give me my food, I wouldn't even let her pet me. I just ignored her and sat on the window sill looking at the birds. I did relent later on, though. I am too nice. I simply can't stay mad when there are pets to be had.
I plan to keep her awake all night -- retribution.
Day 18
They have discovered that I don't like deli turkey (Ann said it was "a major snub"), but I LOVE deli roast beast. That's my new favorite. Sometimes they try to get pets without bringing me an offering, and when I'm feeling nice I will indulge. But if they come in too often looking for pets, sans treats, I remain under Sophie's Sofa. The nerve!
Today Ann tried to pick me up without my permission. Just on the principle of the thing, I decided to use my secret superpower on her. After all, it doesn't do to let the hired help get TOO familiar. But, my fabulous and ultimate superpower (I can fart on demand) didn't have quite the expected effect. Just as she picked me up I let a good one go, one of those they call "silent but deadly," -- right in her face. All she did was LAUGH! If it weren't for the ear scratches and deli meat, I just might be outta here. I don't get no respect!
They have installed a baby gate in the doorway to my room, so that Amí and I can see each other through it. I really want to be friends, but she just growls whenever I come near. She must be curious about me though, because she is always right there. Anyway, people are scary, other cats are not. She can growl all she wants; it doesn't bother me. Ann and Jan apparently don't know that Amí and I could both jump the gate with no problem (stupid people), but for some reason I feel like maybe I should stay on my side for the moment. It does give me a feeling of having "my own space," and she has "her space."
Day 19
I am on the prowl! This morning I jumped the gate and decided to explore. Amí is following me around and hissing, but she's really just a big wuss. I'm not letting it bother me. She runs away if I try to approach, so I will just ignore her.
There are lots and lots of interesting things in this house. Great places to hide. I've already discovered a closet with boxes that weren't very stable when I investigated them. Ann figured out where I was when those came tumbling down, but I ran into another room across the hall rather than back into my own room. I'm afraid she might shut me up in there again if I go back, and I'm not ready!
Day 20-something
Hi. Sorry I haven't been writing much lately. I am free most of the time now, and I have so much exploring to do! I do occasionally get shut back up in "MY room," but usually only when Amí and I have been hissing at each other enough to annoy Ann or Jan. Otherwise, I am trusted.
There were a few days when I was shut up in my room. Ann and Jan must have gone somewhere, because somebody who called herself my "cat-sitter" came by once a day. She was nice, and sat with me for awhile before giving me fresh food and water and taking care of my toilet. It was pretty lonely for the rest of the day. That routine lasted 3 days, and then Ann and Jan were back and I was allowed out again. I hope they don't go away very often. It's boring.
Ann has been brushing me a lot lately. They both look at me after I've been brushed and say things like, "She's so beautiful" or "Look at how silky her fur is." Music to my ears! I like the pets too, although sometimes it gets to be just a little too much and I swipe the hand that is petting me to tell them to stop. I don't mean to do anything except send a message, but sometimes I produce red stripes on their hand and they have to go get some kind of medicine or bandage to put on it. Humans are pretty fragile, I guess. But, how am I SUPPOSED to let them know that I have had enough pets? So much to learn.
Day 28
Hard to believe it's been a almost a month since this saga began. So much has changed. I wanted to write more, but I discovered this magic diary I found only works when something called "the intenet" is working. Ann told me it was down for the last several days, and that's why my typing wasn't producing anything in my diary. I got so angry about it at one point that I jumped up on the keyboard and just sat on it. I made the computer beep at me for a long time, until Ann yelled at me and made me get off. But, it still didn't work. She told me it was "fixed" this afternoon, so I am writing again.
They told me I had been "fixed" after I had that operation that gave me a sore tummy. I wonder if that's what they did to the internet? And why?
I have a regular routine now. In the morning I play with Ann and Jan for awhile and get my breakfast, then I bother Amí until it's time for my first nap. After that, I sit in the side window and watch the birds, until I feel like second nap or second breakfast. I sleep most of the afternoon too, but then I am up all evening and I play with Amí (she calls it fighting, but I enjoy it since I get the best of her every time). After they have their own dinner and feed us, Ann and Jan play with me and pet me in the evening, until it's time to read. Jan calls me "tumble-bunts" because I bunt so hard I sometimes fall over. I can do somersaults too. Later, I curl up beside Ann on the sofa and she pets me while she reads until she goes to bed. I explore at night. I like this routine just fine, but sometimes they do something different and it upsets me. Why do humans always have to switch things up? Can't they just be like cats -- find a routine and stick to it? That's all I ask!
Today as I was reading with Ann I accidentally engaged my superpower (my superfart). I was embarrassed about not always being able to control my superpowers (I am still pretty young, you know). I didn't want her to think that noxious smell came from me when I was having such a good time, so just after it happened I turned around and swiped her hand to indicate that I was offended by what SHE did. Do you supposed she was fooled? She just doesn't understand about my superpower. What she said was that, when I have to go see the doctor for a check-up, she will ask her to do a test to make sure I don't still have any intestinal parasites. Can you imagine? She completely doesn't understand about superpowers. People can be so dense.
Day 30
This will be my very last diary entry. Read on, you'll see why.
Today Ann and Jan signed papers to formally adopt me. Ann told me I was now "bone of her bone, and flesh of her flesh," her own daughter. As you have seen, I know what her blood tastes like because I've accidentally gotten some on my fingernails a couple of times. It doesn't taste like cat at all, so I have grave doubts about the "flesh of my flesh" part. But, if it makes her happy to think so, I'll never tell.
Now that Amí and I are going to have to live together, we are negotiating a settlement. We are not buddies yet, but we've been having serious conversations about our future relationship. In fact, we've started planning our world takeover. We'll begin with training Ann and Jan to know who is boss in this household (the naive humans still think THEY can tell US what to do). Then, once we have our slaves settled satisfactorily into providing for our every whim, we'll be looking for recruits in the cat revolution. That's us at our first strategy session below. (Amí was sitting on Jan's lap, and Jan didn't even come close to guessing the subject of our conversation!) This task is going to take all my energy from now on, so I'm afraid there will be no more diary entries. But, be sure to look for our joint kitty-manifesto, coming soon to a blog near you!
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