Words to Live By?

Throughout the ages people have promoted simple phrases as suggested words to live by:  "What would Jesus do?"  "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you."  "Love your neighbor as you love yourself."  "Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty."  Even "walk softly and carry a big stick."  This week, I've been wondering whether there is a phrase I might offer to sum up my philosophy of life.  I think it would have to be, "It's not all about you!"

From a baby's first drawn breath, the oneness of child and mother gives way to an awareness of self, individuality, personal needs and wants, and the separateness those create from other beings.  At first, the world truly does revolve around me.   But very soon the child becomes aware of others and, at least in the normal course of events, begins to learn the basics of empathy and love.  Later still is the almost universal quest for meaning or purpose in this life.  But we inevitably find that the more we concentrate on me -- my needs and desires, my meaning, my legacy, my future, my fate -- the more elusive happiness, love and meaning become.

I think this is because we all need to learn the fundamental truth that it -- whatever is truly important and ultimately meaningful in life -- is primarily not about me.  It may be partially about me.  I'm there and a part of it all, something essential in the whole scheme of things, but I am only a part of a much larger whole.  I suggest that our search for meaning in life is only met when we finally learn that we are a part seeking the whole, and begin to seek and serve that sacred communion that only all things together can complete.  Thus, what might seem to be in my immediate self interest -- be it riches, physical well-being, achievement, recognition, accomplishment -- will not ultimately satisfy if it does not lead further toward communion and the realization of our collective interest -- the achievement of peace, justice and mercy (God's kingdom) on earth.  I am impressed by the message of community developed and lived by the late Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel after his and his family's tragic encounters with the Nazis in Germany.  He speaks of the stillness "full of demands, awaiting a soul to breathe in the mystery that all things exhale in their craving for communion.  Out of the world comes the behest to instill into the air a rapturous song for God." [As I interpret it anyway, that is that the song for God, the thirst for God, the spirit of God, is the collective essence of all things craving together for communion.]  In today's gospel (Luke 11:1-13) it is "our father," "give us our daily bread," "forgive us from evil"... I believe this prayer at the most fundamental level asks us to own that God is communal, that none can know God in any meaningful way without intimate involvement with the rest of us, the whole of creation. 

Philosophers and psychologists have long argued about whether there is really such a thing as altruism.  Many argue that every action is ultimately an action of self-interest, even if only the need to feel good about one's self by performing what others consider to be selfless deeds.  But, if one truly believes that it is false to assume separateness and true that we are incontrovertibly connected to and part of all others, then there is no need for the concept of altruism.  To act for the benefit of others is to act ultimately, if not immediately, in my own interest, regardless of the impact of the action on my illusion of "separate self."  Certainly, from what I've seen of life, those who share this perspective seem to find more joy and meaning in this life than those who seek to attain their own immediate ends.  Today's gospel assures us that God wants to give us good gifts, and all we need to do is ask.  But, there's a subtle shift in the nature of gift at the end of the passage.  First, it talks about our asking for a fish or an egg, about how the Father gives good gifts just like we give good gifts to our children who ask.  But then it says, "How much more will the Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him."  Not, how much more with the Father grant our request, our wants, even our needs -- but the Father will give us the Holy Spirit.  The good gift -- the only gift that Jesus appears to be saying matters, the ultimate good gift -- is the Holy Spirit, the one that is "God in us," that is "the mystery all things exhale in their craving for communion."

I am constantly challenged [aren't we all?] with questions about how I should act, what I should do with my time and resources, how I should feel about slights and actions taken against me, how I should react to a sometimes cruel fate, as well as how I should react to life's great blessings and my good fortune.  These questions are where, to me, the "it's not all about you" phrase is the most practical. When I am hurt or angry, should I strike back?  If I am deciding about how to use my money, or spend my time ... where "the rubber meets the road."  Jesus, who is our incarnate example of God, the "I am," "emptied himself" and lived as a servant to others.  I know that I won't be satisfied very long with my behavior unless I constantly remind myself that "it" -- what matters, and therefore how I should behave,  use my energies, respond to the world -- "is not all about me."