I mentioned in my last post an elderly friend who died on Easter. She fell, knocked herself unconscious, and died a few days later as a result of the trauma. The following Sunday, I too fell -- about halfway down a flight of wooden stairs while carrying two suitcases and a glass. While I didn't hurt myself very badly, I did get bruised and shaken up quite a lot, and the recovery time explains my lack of blogs for the month...
One thing about falling down the stairs; it takes a remarkably long time. Between the fatal misstep and the final crash at the bottom is PLENTY of time for regrets and apprehensiveness. As I stood at the top of the stairs, I briefly thought that I should not attempt to carry so much down all at once. But, going up and down the stairs hurts my bad hip and I did not want to have to make another trip. I thought, "I'll just be careful," forgetting that said "bad hip" often fails me at the critical moment. A few steps in, a sharp pain hit as my hip complained of the extra weight, the foot slipped, I started to catch myself and then realized that it is too late! Simultaneously, in those stretched-out seconds while I fell, I was thinking: "Don't tense up, try not to twist, be careful of the glass..."; "My partner has already started driving to Virginia; she'll have to turn around to get to the hospital, or maybe plan the funeral!"; "How stupid! Why didn't I listen to my good sense and not try to carry two bags at once!" "I'm too young to die!" And when I finally hit bottom, I gingerly moved a muscle at a time and thought what a miracle as everything seemed to work, for the most part. "Artificial hip still in place? Check. I can move my right leg out from under me? Check. Left leg? Also check. Hand? Lots of tiny cuts -- rapidly turning red all over and lots of smashed glass all around, but no spurting blood anywhere. No major cuts! OK. What hurts? Major gash on the left leg, I don't want to look... My inlaws are running in--No, not dead. Ice please! And let's just sit here for awhile before trying to get up..."
As it turned out, I was tremendously lucky. No major injuries, although enough minor ones to keep me sore for a couple weeks and reflecting on the lesson: "Listen to that little voice that tells you when you are trying to do too much!" Much gratitude for having another chance. Whether or not God exists as we envision, it seems necessary at times to feel that overwhelming gratitude for second chances--just as it is sometimes necessary to rail against God over the tragedies of the world. Sometimes faith isn't a conscious choice, it just seems to be human nature.
With my fall behind me as I sat in church this past Sunday, listening to the familiar words of the 23rd Psalm, I thought a bit about "thy rod and thy staff." As with many familiar Bible stories, I had never really gone back and revisited my early Sunday-School interpretation of this Psalm and what it means. What we had always been told is that the rod and staff mean that sometimes God punishes us when we are wrong, so that we will know to do right later ... sort of a Biblical "Story of Ping" with the Good Shepherd waiting to hit us across the rear with his staff -- consequences teach us to appreciate punishment when we see what trouble we would get in without correction. But today I wonder how often shepherds go around hitting their sheep? Although I don't know much about herding sheep, I do know a lot about herding and chasing cows. My father always insisted that we were NOT to hit the cows. We carried large staffs to whirl around our bodies and make ourselves look bigger, so that it was easier for the cows to see us and understand our directions, to be guided -- not hurt! Only if the cows were going in the wrong way or charging would we threaten them with the staff, and only if they were charging directly at us would we ever resort to hitting them. That was a last resort!
So, this Sunday when I heard "thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me," I thought about that voice that whispered in my ear, "don't try to carry too much down the stairs!" Remember to look for guidance! It is given to comfort, not punish.
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