All Souls in Purgatory

Today is All Souls Day, and in Roman Catholic circles particularly, it's the day when we pray for the souls of the dead who are in Purgatory. I am not Roman but I am Episcopalian, and we do celebrate All Souls. However, I'm just about positive I don't believe in Purgatory as a place where souls go after death when they don't go straight to Heaven or Hell. In fact, I'm pretty sure I don't believe in Heaven or Hell (those places with the capital "H") as realms where souls go after death. I'm agnostic about what happens after death. I believe that the eventual fate of all that we are is in the hands of God -- but I don't really know what that means. It's more of a commitment, or an acquiescence to a shared mystery, than a statement of any intellectual understanding. I don't know if anything at all "happens" after death, but I also don't think that's a very important question in the grand scheme of things.

I am of the many who believe that the main point of any discussions of heaven and hell in the Bible and in our Christian faith is about what we make of life now, while we are living it. Heaven is what we create when we live a life that does follow love for God and love for each other as the first and primary calling. And hell is alienation from God; what we experience when we lose sight of that great commandment. So then, what is purgatory; does it have a place in my thinking? Maybe. Perhaps purgatory is when we honestly don't know what do do, when we struggle with knowing right from wrong, when we know that we are seeing "through a glass darkly" but don't know how to turn on the lights. I don't believe that faith is a simple or easy undertaking, I believe that God is often hidden, that we have to diligently seek God even when he is silent. And at least for me it's hard work to find some sense in life and some sense of the transcendent. So maybe purgatory is more of our natural state in this life than either heaven or hell.

One thing over which I am currently in a state like purgatory is whether to associate myself with the Diocese of Albany, in which I live for the greater part of the year. As long as I have maintained another home in Southern Virginia with my wife of 28 years, I have maintained my membership in our local Episcopal church in Hampton, VA. But the truth is that I live about half, if not more than half, of the year in Malone, NY. While I am here I attend St. Mark's Malone and have become quite active in the parish, and to some degree active in the Diocese -- but I am still reluctant to move my letter. Participation is one thing, but I can't get over the hurdle of membership. Can I commit to full parish membership in a Diocese where I disagree so strongly on so many points? My new parish definitely needs my support, but it's not like my previous parish doesn't also need it. Right now I split my pledge, but the greater portion goes in Virginia where my membership commitment exists. Is that right, when I spend more time in Malone? But what message does it send when a mainstream Diocese looses a member and a Diocese like Albany gains one? Can I stomach signing my name to such an action? We are working through the "Marks of Discipleship" adult education series in our parish, the one that has been distributed by the Bishop throughout the Diocese of Albany. I find some of the theology represented in it to be completely unpalatable and frankly un-Anglican. What influence should this have on my decision? I don't think there are easy answers to my question, nor do I think there is a "right" or "wrong" answer, except as perhaps I hope to eventually gain a sense of what's right for me--right here, right now. Or perhaps I will never know for sure. But, since today is All Souls...

Please pray for me and for all souls in purgatory--may God shine a bit of that light that is perpetual on us.